by Kristin Madden
Most of us have some type of goals. A goal-oriented person is respected by our society. These are the movers and shakers. These people are going somewhere. We see people look derisively at others and say, “They just have no goals.” But is just having goals enough to really create the life we want?
Sometimes our goals are large objectives that we hope to attain in our lives. Competing in the Olympics or finishing college, buying a house, and getting a good job are these types of goals. Often, our goals are smaller, like finishing a book or finding something to wear to the holiday party. For some of us, our goals are high-flying dreams that we don’t really expect to achieve. For others, our goals are just to get through the day or to get that next raise. They are things necessary for our survival.
In the ReSurfacing® workbook, by Harry Palmer, he states that “Most people have learned that it is important to set goals, but few realize that there are right and wrong goals, as well as proper and improper ways to set goals.” According to my well-worn Merriam-Webster dictionary, a goal is defined as an “aim, or purpose; an area or object toward which play is directed.”
It has been my experience that many people look at goals as work. Goals are serious business having nothing to do with play. They are often a purpose, which should lead to a socially acceptable way to get rich or famous, or at least keep up with the Joneses. While there is nothing wrong with being rich or famous, these are generally the wrong goals. In these cases, goals are indoctrinated, assimilated from society and often far from what we want in our hearts. We accept these goals and from then on, we live accidentally rather than deliberately.
A wrong goal does nothing for the spirit. We don’t get all fired up thinking about it; in fact we often don’t think about it consciously at all. We push it down into the recesses of our identities and forget about it. From there, it prevents us from creating what we truly want. The thought of it being remotely associated with play or fun brings a dejected smirk, a “yeah, don’t I wish.” We work hard to achieve these goals, and we feel satisfied when we achieve them. But there is still something missing.
Most of us have had conflicting goals at one time or another. We want to lose weight, but we don’t want to exercise or watch what we eat. We feel finally ready to follow our hearts and break free of old identities, but we don’t want to disturb the status quo with family or we don’t want to risk losing the style of life to which we have become accustomed. In these situations, we are misaligned. As Harry so truly notes in the ReSurfacing workbook, “The result of misalignment is limited achievement, limited success, poor health, and unhappiness.”
I have spoken with several people who have all the reasons in the world why they can’t achieve their dreams but cannot understand why they are not achieving the goals they are working so hard for. When I ask about their goals and how they chose those goals, we usually discover one of two things. Most often, these individuals are working toward goals they would not have picked if they could create what would truly make them happy. I hear things like, “Well, if I could go back and do it all over again, I would do something different,” and “Of course, I dream of other things, but this is reality.” What comes next is the second important insight we discover: “But I am here now and this is what I have to work with.”
When I hear that, I feel the pain of misalignment in their hearts. I also feel their frustration and the certain belief they hold that this is the way life must be. But it has to be this way only if we allow it to be. There is something that can realign our dreams and goals, creating joy and re-igniting the fire of our spirits.
That something, again from ReSurfacing, is a Right-For-You (RFY) goal. Harry puts it like this, “An RFY goal excites you when you think about it. It empowers you. It brings you to life. It sizzles! It provides you with the creative energy for its own attainment plus a little extra.” RFY goals come from our truest selves, beyond the limiting beliefs of fear, loneliness, security, and social acceptance. They seem to take on a life of their own and create their own energy. RFY goals feel like “an area or object toward which play is being directed.” There is no working here.
I remember a time when I felt my RFY goals were unattainable. I had made certain choices in my life regarding school, career, and family, and that was that. I felt I must work within the established rules and choose a path that fit in with the status quo. The first time I took The Avatar Course, I could not decide on RFY goals to set, because I held these limiting beliefs. I was afraid of getting hurt when these new goals did not manifest.
Then I went back to Avatar with a new, lighter attitude. I decided to play with it and see what happened. I opened myself to the possibility that these things were possible. I also made the choice to choose goals that were wholly for me, from my heart and dreams rather than what looked good to society. I used the Avatar tools and the RFY goal-setting exercises to create what I had always wanted since childhood. I had done the prestigious career thing and the public identity. Now I was creating for myself.
I have attained everything I chose to. My RFY goals provided me with an excitement and joy I had not felt in many years. As a result, I became a better wife and mother. I love what I do and who I am. And best of all, I know with certainty that RFY goals are within our reach. I continue to set my goals based on the ReSurfacing process. When I am aligned with my goals, nothing can stop me. Interestingly enough, my new creations have led to a more honest public identity and a lucrative career.
As Harry advises in ReSurfacing. “Brush the dust off your dreams.” Set your RFY goals and experience their manifestation. When we create our lives using RFY goals, we create with honesty and courage. We create lives comprised of Dreams-Come-True. We finally begin to create for our personal evolution, rather than our mere survival and as a result, we contribute to the collective growth and joy in the world.
Kristin Madden, Albuquerque, New Mexico
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